Today is one of the days where I asked myself: Why? Why am I doing this? It’s 90 degrees and humid. I logged 44 miles already this week. I’m away from Dana for four hours on a Saturday. And, it’s really hot. Just being outside is uncomfortable; running is crazy. In asking myself why, I’m now asking myself: Why am I asking why so soon? I’m 6 months away from race day.
The answer is always the same, so I don’t panic when the question – a result of exhaustion and a measure of frustration – pops up. The answer is always: Because running is my medicine. And by extension, hard work verging on pain, is my medicine. I’m someone who is very “in my head.” I’m not sure what the letters were, but on the Meyers-Briggs test, I think it’s called, I was a big old introvert. Running, and the pain it can often bring, gets me the fuck out of my head. And when I come back inside, it’s like I’m in a newer, fresher, more friendly place. I think and speak more fluently, off the top of the head, so to speak. I don’t censor my thoughts. Running far is my medicine. It makes me right.
To the question: Why am I asking why so soon?, I have an answer as well. I’m going at this hard, so it’s difficult. If it was easy, I wouldn’t be asking why. Thus, to not be asking why would be a bad sign.
The heat I can beat. Maybe I lie. The heat I can work with. It is just as much a factor as mountainous terrain can be in a race. It changes the way you run. You have to adjust for it. I know that and I will act accordingly.
Being away from Dana for so long is not something I know how to reconcile. We’ve talked about it and I try to be very up front from the beginning. She knows that I know that this is always a big ask, I think. I have so much gratitude for her; the way she deals with my training, by saying that “we’re doing this,” makes it easier. Thank you.
Gear today: Boracay V3, Apple and Garmin watches, Camelbak, also I have chronically forgotten to mention Goodr sunglasses, they are very much Goodr than my last pair of running sunglasses
Nutrition: GU before, three-quarters of a PB &J during, lots of water
20 miles at 11:50 pace, 5 min. run/1 min. walk